Thursday, February 28, 2013

Cool Things About Being a Man

This is a real list that a friend of mine posted.  He did not write it.  He just posted it as a little ha ha! without (hopefully) thinking too much about it.  He's probably going to wish he had thought about it.  :)

Cool Things About Being a Man

(or, I spend way too much time making asinine lists and way too little time interacting with, you know, women)

1- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2- Your orgasms are real. Always.
3- Your last name stays put.
4- The garage is all yours.
5- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10- Same work, more pay.
11- Wrinkles add character.
12- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13- Wedding dress $2,000.00; Tux rental $100.00
14- If you retain water, it's in a canteen
15- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17- One mood, all the damn time.
18- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19- A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20- You can open all your own jars.
21- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22- Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
23- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "he must be mad at me".
27- No maxi-pads.'
28- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31- You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33- Your belly usually hides your big hips
34- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
35- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
36- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
37- The world is your urinal. xD

I'm not going to address every list item, just the ones I find the most disturbing/idiotic/ridiculous.

2- Your orgasms are real. Always.  Any grown assed straight woman worth her vagina stopped faking orgasms the second she met a guy that knew what the hell he was doing.  For some of us lucky enough to have met this person early on, faking was never a all.  Any woman faking for the sake of their lover's feelings needs to think about how he will feel when he realizes she is faking.  If you aren't into it at the moment and you like the guy enough, just give him a blowjob and let him go to sleep happy.  If you really don't like him AND he can't get you off, you have bigger issues and I am no psychiatrist.  

3- Your last name stays put.  Hello, Sweden.

6- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.  Mostly because if your friend is anything like you, getting laid happens about as often as an asteroid passing within 17000 miles of earth and a giant meteorite hitting Russia in the same day.  

10- Same work, more pay.  Fuck you.

17- One mood, all the damn time.   I did not realize that Neanderthal was a "mood".

27- No maxi-pads.'   Seriously, Fuck you.

33- Your belly usually hides your big hips.  Wow!  Fat AND a pear shaped ass?!?!?  I'm getting hot just thinking about this guy!  ***shudder***

37- The world is your urinal. xD  Seriously?  That's all you got?  You can pee outside?  Let me tell you something, I can pee outside, too and I have on a few occasions when I've either been camping or so drunk that I really didn't think about how gross someone peeing outside is.  Unless you are five years old, find a restroom, asshole!


  1. First, this should really read "Cool Things about Being a Man in the Movies' since I don't actually know anyone like this. Still, maybe they exist. Men who have a pear-shaped ass, pee outside, cannot park ion a double garage if there's already a car in there, buy their underwear at the grocery store, and have the hairstyle they had in the 80s. Yup. Something to aspire to, for sure.
    Second, my husband took my name and I took his. He's a Dane and I'm a Finn. We won't hold his Viking-ness against him. I hear they weren't real men anyway.
    Third, you need new friends. Like us at DSU.

  2. I've already like DSU. We've been communicating. :)

  3. I know. I meant "Third, you need new friends such as us at DSU".
    I'm not a creepy bot that spams your blog with join our revolution crap, I'm a person (some say creepy, but mainly behind back) who will, given the chance, spam your blog and facebook and everything with join our revolution crap. ;-)