Thursday, August 29, 2013


Isn't it great when your friend calls you up and says "Hey!  Let's go to the beach tomorrow!" and you are all "Yeah"  and "Cool" and "Pick you up at 10:30"?

What is not great is trekking to three different stores to purchase:

a 25 pound bag of ice
a bottle of Mai Tai mix
two lounge chairs.

But, Hey!  It's a beach day, so WHOOO!  Once that is all sorted out, it's sun, sand, trashy novels and good times until the kids get off the bus. 

Sounds simple, right?


We pull up at the notsogreat beach because the totallybeautifulandawesome beach is too far away when we only have a couple of hours.

We lug the (extraordinarily heavy)
beach chairs
bag of ice
Mai Tai mix
Towels, books and other crap
down the (ridiculously long) path to the beach.  

First though, we read the sign that says:
"the beach is only open on weekends after August 10th".

But, that can't mean anything, right?  I mean, how do you close a beach?  It's a beach for godsakes, not a shoe store.

So, sweating and cursing, we pass the filled park and playground (What kind of weirdos hang out with their toddlers at the park when it is 88 degrees out?)  Why aren't they in the water?  Stupid jerks.

I see the sign and closed gate and in my brain, I know what it says but, my heart won't believe it until I've gotten two feet away and can read it in full view of these dillhole moms.


Here is the part where for the second time in the matter of an hour, I scream in public.  The first time, was in the Home Depot parking lot at some totally oblivious plumbers who decided that parking their van crooked, a foot from my driver door, when there were 347 other spaces they could have parked in, was a great idea.  

How do you close a whole lake?  I mean, really?  Who decided that only rich people, who can afford docks across the street from their lovely houses get access?  Who decided that the rest of us losers only get to swim between May 25th and August 10th?  Oh, and only at the crappy beach that they've deigned to let us use?!?

When you start screaming about the haves and the have nots in the parking lot, it pretty much means that beach day is ruined.

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