The universe may be infinite, but our time in it is not. It is the merest eye blink; a heartbeat of the great unknown and all-knowing.
As much as I love Long Island Medium and hope that my departed loved ones are still close by; I'd rather have them in the flesh to hug and laugh with.
It's certainly not the same talking to the air, even if they are listening.
And there are only so many times you can watch the same home movies without feeling like maybe it's time to get back to real life and stop living in the past.
And you start to do this and life is great and you are in the moment for the first time in a long time and then you dream. You dream that things are the way the were BEFORE; before death, before sorrow, before, before, before...
And when you wake up, the pain is new again and you cry and moan and wonder WHY?!? and you are right back where you started. It doesn't matter if it's been twenty years or two days. The pain is so close to the surface that a word or smell or angle of sunlight can dissolve you into a useless mess.
And you cry.
And when your tears dry, you realize that life is not about happy or sad.
Life is a series of moments. Your moment of joy comes at the same time as another's moment of sorrow. Your sun shines, while for another, it is darkest, coldest winter.
Your moment of sorrow will not last, nor will it ever disappear.
And it will catch you again and again, but so too will the joy.
And you pick yourself up. And you hold those close to you. And you remember that you need to live and cherish and love.
Because what would be the point of not?
Because your dear departed wants you to live to love another day.
Because you are meant to be happy; not every second, but overall.
Because you are meant to do great things.
Because your capacity for agony reflects your capacity for joy and the world needs your joy.
Because you are not done.
Because there will be another moment worth the struggle.